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Yesterday me and my husband had been out, when we met a couple who happened to be known to my hubby. The male is my husband’s colleague. He introduced me to them, we had a small chat and then went along on our ways.
Well, the couple seemed a happy one and I mentioned that to my husband. Right then he told me about the problems they are facing. It’s been 5 years they are married, but don’t have kids. I felt sorry. My husband said “No, don’t be sorry, it’s not that they have any medical problems, it’s out of choice. They don’t want to have kids!”
He told me that his colleague always loved kids, he actually wanted to have one, but his wife was not interested and he respected her decision. He didn’t wanted to force her. Obviously cause it was she who had the major part to play, she needed to be strong and firm enough to bring a life out of her. It was not just about giving birth, she was not keen on adding a new member to the family as she felt she might not be able to give enough time and attention to it.
Making this decision wasn’t easy for them. They had to answer their parents who obviously had the urge to cuddle their grandchildren, and the endless questions of some bothering relatives , friends and also sometimes face those ‘oh my god! you don’t want kids? that’s just so like going against the law of nature’ type of reactions. But Alas! they have made up their minds of sticking to it.
I was not totally comfortable hearing all this. I mean, I just love kids. I have a 10 month old son and I know how it feels. Even if giving birth is the toughest job of all, it’s the most rewarded one also. In the end, when you embrace your little one, all that suffering and agony you had gone through seems trivial. But the fact remains that, it’s an individual choice to be a parent.
Unfortunately society doesn’t seem to digest such decisions easily. If you show your desires of not wanting children, it only makes you less human in their eyes. And then their cold looks and reactions will make you wonder if you did something awfully wrong. You will seem more like a pariah.
The story of this couple did leave too many questions pondering in my head. Was it the right decision? Isn’t it unfair for the husband as he wanted to have children, but he compromised. What if the wife had compromised for the sake of her husband? Would it be correct still? cause the baby would be born out of compromise and not out of love!
Children are not something you have just to play around. They are a life you bring, and it’s a huge responsibility you bear. Babies are born with no personality, we need to give them one. You need to nurture them with love, care, affection and teachings. You need to give them an identity. Just by giving birth one does not become a mother/ parent. It’s a 24/7 job, you do daily, to make your child a good human. And only then you become a parent.
Moreover If a child is unwanted and brought into this world just for the sake of procreating, the child may end up with mental health problems, due to lack of early attachment. It’s better to not bring a child in this world if you really don’t want to. No doubt parenthood should be a choice and not a decision taken under any marital/ societal pressures.
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